Ushijima Moo
by yangri
Summary: AU where Ushijima is a cow. That's literally it.


_**A/N: Ushijima is a cow, that's literally it, goodbye**_

* * *

Hinata Shoyo was many things, but he was not exactly built for heavy lifting around the farm, so it was at his expense that his uncle, holding Natsu's ankles as she sat on his shoulders, was getting a good laugh out of.

"Is chicken feed supposed to be this heavy?!" Hinata wheezed as he tried to carry the heavy sack of grain across to the chicken coop. He had to put it down every thirty seconds, or his arms would probably snap. It was only his inherent competitiveness and the imagery of Kageyama sneering at him for having twiggy arms that compelled him to try and handle it for longer in each of his carrying intervals.

His uncle let out another one of his belly-deep laughs. "Less bellyaching and more lifting, Sho-kun!"

"You can do it!" added Natsu, waving at her brother's retreating figure from her high vantage point. "Come on, let's go, oji-san! Giddy-up!"

"Alright, alright..."

Eventually, much to the amusement of Natsu and their uncle, Hinata managed to get the chickens fed before eight o'clock in the morning, which everyone saw as an absolute win. Breakfast wasn't until eight-thirty, and Anna-oba, the American woman Shinsuke-oji had married, would be cranky if they didn't sit down as she was pouring the delectable treacle over their pancakes. A sacred recipe from her side of the family.

Hinata remembered Kageyama recounting to him how he thought animals seemed to dislike him, and the orange-haired boy was starting to feel considerably more empathy to his angry setter's situation now that he had experienced first-hand how terrifying chickens could be.

Tsukishima had once told him that chickens were basically feathered dinosaurs.

Hinata hadn't believed him.

But now, slumped against a fence post and clutching a scratch on his cheek caused by an angry hen, he really wished he had exercised more caution toward the seemingly harmless bipeds.

Natsu, having kindly liberated her uncle's shoulders, crouched next to her brother. She blinked sleepily, gently removing her brother's hand from his face. With the other hand, she absentmindedly scratched an itch on her shin. "Aw, that looks painful..."

"I'll get the first aid kit from the kitchen," said Shinsuke. "Stay here, Natsu-chan."

Natsu sat down next to Hinata as their uncle disappeared into the house. "Don't look so sad," she murmured, evidently still a bit tired from waking up so early. "I know you miss your team, but I'm here, nii-chan."

Hinata chuckled, ruffling his sister's hair. "I know. You're the best little sister ever."

She nodded seriously. "Uh huh. And when oji-san and oba-san aren't watching, I'm going to teach the chickens a lesson for hurting you."

"Geh!" He could already imagine how that was going to go. Every scenario ended with either a coop full of frightened chickens and a wailing little sister. "Erm, maybe not, Natsu-chan. See," Hinata pointed to his cheek, beaming, "I'm already better! It doesn't hurt."

"If you say so, nii-chan..."

Before Hinata could further reassure Natsu, a footfall sounded, and he tilted his head back to see a large brown bull standing not even a foot away from him. The only thing stopping the animal from goring him was the fence between them.

The bull snorted.

"GWAAH?!"

Natsu looked at the bull, then at her brother. "It's just a cow."

_Yeah! A cow with big, big horns; not to mention, it looks downright murderous! _Naturally, Hinata didn't end up saying any of those things aloud—he didn't want to frighten his sister.

"Are you okay, nii-chan? You look really pale."

"It-It's just the light!"

Hastily, Hinata picked himself up, dusted off his pants, and placed himself as far away as possible from the bull without seeming like a pansy to Natsu.

The bull snorted, and Hinata caught a glimpse of its tail as it flicked back and forth. It looked at him as if it were expecting something.

"Ah, I see you've met Ushiwaka-kun!"

Both Hinata siblings turned to see their portly uncle descend upon them with a medical kit in hand.

"Is there Benkei, too?" Hinata joked lamely, still spooked by the animal's sudden appearance. Natsu laughed at it, though, so that was nice.

"Naw, it's not a good idea to put two bulls in a paddock together. Though Ushiwaka-kun here is real gentle—honest! He's the best friend a man could have, though don't tell your aunt that."

Shinsuke frequently complained that his wife, Anna, was basically two-timing him with the old family dog, which could not eat solid food due to having no more teeth and had to be generally looked after every second of the day. The woman, according to Shinsuke, doted on that dog to no end.

"Why did you name him Ushiwaka?" Natsu asked as Shinsuke tended to Hinata's cheek injury. The boy winced at the sting of disinfectant.

"The old ball and chain wanted to call him _Wakatoshi_. I wanted to call him _Ushijima_. It's a fine name for a bull, in my opinion. But she wouldn't let up, and so we compromised, and his full name is actually _Ushijima Wakatoshi_. It's just a mighty fine coincidence that the names can be combined to be _Ushiwaka_. So there we go: the hero's origin story. And what a hero he is."

"He?" Hinata echoed.

"Dear nephew, you do realize that bulls are male cows, right?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"Ushiwaka-kun is a cow. A bull."

"A wonderful friend!" his uncle retorted. "Don't let me catch you saying otherwise, young man, or feeding the chickens will be the least of your problems!" Almost menacingly, he peeled off a square bandage. "Now show me your cheek!"

Hinata squeaked. "I'm sorry! I'm sure he is, oji-san!"

Ushijima made a low noise, content.

* * *

"Ahh..." All of his muscles sore from the farm chores he had been assigned after breakfast, Hinata flopped onto his bed, one hand hanging off the frame and dipping into his half-open backpack. His parents were out horse-riding with Anna and Shinsuke, while Natsu was entertaining herself with the toothless family dog, leaving Hinata some time to unwind and recharge.

He pulled out a volume of some random manga he had brought along with him the kill time, vaguely aware of the sky turning soda pink outside, the sun starting to dip beyond the horizon.

As he read, he rolled the volleyball sitting at the end of his bed back and forth with his feet, growing twitchier as time passed. Eventually, before he even finished reading, he sat up and threw his manga on his pillow, resolving to finish it later tonight, perhaps after dinner. "Yosh! Time for some personal training!" The bed squeaked, Hinata launching himself upright and grabbing his volleyball on the way out. Though his muscles complained, the urge to practice his tosses, digs, and serves had his blood pumping.

"Oya?" Natsu's gaze followed Hinata as he raced through the kitchen, sitting down briefly to pull his socks and shoes on. "Where are you going, nii-chan? Come play with me and Haruchi." The dog in question yawned.

"Sorry, Natsu-chan! Maybe later; I'm going to train!"

Natsu nodded understandingly. "Okay. Don't get into any trouble, nii-chan."

A grin stretched his lips as Hinata all but dove outside, nearly stumbling on loose dirt as he found a small clearing and a tree where he could ricochet the ball off nicely. The hills obscured more and more of the sun as repeated his tedious training drills.

"Gyaph!"

More than once, the ball would catch him on the face, but he was quick enough to have it hit his cheek to avoid a broken nose.

_Toss... toss... _Hinata stuck his tongue out as he launched the ball in the air with his fingertips, concentrating on where it would land each time he tossed it up into the air. _How does Kageyama do it so accurately? _Though he wasn't half-bad at setting (compared to his atrocious serving, at least), he would never be able to replicate a proper set in a high-speed, high-intensity match. Kageyama was truly someone to be envied just because he _could_.

The sun was half-visible when Hinata served the ball against the tree once more, but instead of returning his way, it landed at an angle and shot off to the side, rolling past a metal fence and into a grassy field.

Without thinking, he went after it, easily hopping across the fence. Being on a slight slope, the ball had continued to roll further into the field. "Eh?" Hinata looked around. "I wonder what uncle keeps in here. It's mostly empty—_gyaah_!" He slapped his hand over his mouth in panic, hoping the large, bulky creature he had somehow missed the first time he scanned his surroundings was finally noticed. "U-Ushijima-kun...!"

And right next to the broad bull was his ball. Perfect.

To his horror, Ushijima had noticed the colorful sphere, and was currently eyeing it like it was a bomb. Frozen stiff, Hinata could only watch from what barely counted as a safe distance as the bull circled it before picking it up with his mouth.

"No sudden movements," Shinsuke had said at one point this morning. "You see those bulls on television, getting riled up by a red cloth? It's not because of the color—it's because of the _motion_."

Hinata took a step back. "Ahaha," he laughed nervously when Ushijima stared at him. "That's okay—I can always get another one... You can have it, Ushijima-kun!"

Ushijima began to walk towards him.

_EEK! Oh god, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die—_

The ball landed in the grass in front of him.

"Eh?" Hinata glanced down, blinking. Then he glanced up, looking at Ushijima, who somehow managed to look earnest and terrifying at the same time. It was probably the muscle bulging in each leg. "... Thank you?"

Slowly, Hinata squatted down and picked up the ball, not taking his eyes off from the bull for more than a second.

"I guess you're not so bad," he remarked in the end.

The bull made a noise that could only be described as noncommittal.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ushijima-kun."

Hinata began to backpedal, volleyball tucked against his side. Everything was going fine until Ushijima began to follow him like some over-sized puppy with horns sharp and strong enough to gore a very thick sandwich.

"What do you want?" Hinata spluttered, finally stopping when not even quickening the pace could get Ushijima to stop stalking after him.

Ushijima mooed.

It occurred to Hinata, randomly, that this was the first time he had heard the bull moo. It was a surprisingly calming sound, but sweat still beaded at his temple when Ushijima dipped his head and touched his snout against the volleyball, rubbing it as if he were familiarizing himself with it.

An image of Natsu with Haru the dog swam to the forefront of his mind.

_"You wanna play, Haru?! Since you don't have any teeth, we can play bounce!" Then Natsu proceeded to nail Haru between the eyes with a tennis ball, the old dog whining playfully. "Oh no!"_

_Anna intervened, thankfully, and they were able to play their game with a softer ball, Natsu throwing the ball at Haru, who headbutted it back to her._

"You..." Hinata smacked his lips, nervous. "You wanna play?"

Ushijima's tail flicked in anticipation.

Prepared to run if things got nasty, Hinata lightly tossed the ball at Ushijima. As if he were born to do so, he butted it back to Hinata, and the volleyball landed in his arms once more.

"Uwwohh!" _It landed in the perfect position for a dig! _Forgetting about the dangers, Hinata gleefully set the ball, Ushijima tilting his head upward as the ball wobbled in the air. Then he did the same thing as before, using his head to receive it. The ball flew back toward Hinata, who dug it upward. The ball floated into the perfect setting position, and the cycle began.

Ushijima was surprisingly patient and a good training partner.

In the end, Hinata exhausted himself and flopped onto the grass. Ushijima leaned down, rasping his tongue over Hinata's face.

The boy laughed. "Stop, stop! Your tongue feels like sandpaper."

Thankfully, Ushijima ceased his licking, and instead laid down on his side, his flank heaving up and down with each breath he took. Soothed, Hinata closed his eyes and took a deep breath, refilling his stinging lungs with the fresh country air.

"You're a good friend," Hinata murmured. In the distance, the light in the house turned on—his parents and aunt and uncle were back, probably with stories about adventures that didn't actually happen. His father was rather fond of embellishment, a trait he shared with Shinsuke, his brother. "I'm sorry I misjudged you, Ushijima-kun. You're not scary at all."

The bull grunted.

"I wish you could see me play in the nationals. The qualifiers for Spring Nationals are coming up soon—we're going to beat Seijoh and Shiratorizawa and make it to nationals!" Hinata yawned, feeling the little sleep he had gotten last night catching up to him—one part of him wished that he didn't have to wake up at dawn to help around, but the other part was glad of it. If he hadn't gotten scratched by the chickens, he would have never met Wakatoshi Ushijima. "Everyone's off doing something exciting... I heard from Kenma the other day that Nekoma's rooster-head captain got invited to America to meet the president. I don't know why, but it sounds exciting..." He rolled the volleyball in his hands. "But I don't really mind this.

"Yeah. This is nice."

* * *

**OMAKE 1**

"I wonder how Hinata's weekend was," Suga commented as he sat on the bench, a bottle of water clutched in one hand. He smiled as he watched Noya try and perfect his toss, jumping back and forth across the attack line that separated an illegal toss from a valid toss. Asahi, ever so patient, could only offer an awkward smile every time Noya apologized for stuffing up his set.

Daichi, seated next to him, nodded slowly. "He sent a couple of photos on the group chat. I think he's staying at his family's farm." A bead of sweat slid down his cheek. "Although it could have easily been some sort of national park. He wasn't clear on the details." Because every photo Hinata sent was some blurred image of an animal or his little sister doing the peace sign. Shoving a reminder to teach Hinata how to take photos into the back of his brain, he stood and called for a three-on-three practice match. Some of their members were missing today, including Hinata. Daichi had to wonder about that—it was unlike the orange-haired boy to miss a practice without any notice in advance on the group chat or directly to him.

He had asked Kageyama before, but the setter hadn't seen him either.

"I'm going to get water!" Yachi volunteered. "Does anyone need their bottles refilled?"

They did, apparently, and she got the assistance of Yamaguchi (Kiyoko had gone to the staff room to retrieve some forms for Takeda-sensei, and was unavailable) in holding all of their drink bottles.

As soon as they stepped outside, there was a high-pitched scream from Yachi and the sound of plastic bottles being dropped all over the floor.

Alarmed, every single club member including Ukai and their staff adviser all ran out of the gym.

"Is everything okay?!" Daichi demanded, only to falter at the most unusual and quite frightening sight he had ever seen. "Hi... Hinata?!"

"B-b-b," Yachi was stuttering, practically dead weight in Yamaguchi's arms.

"Hinata," Suga managed to find his voice first. "Hinata, is that a bull?"

Hinata positively _beamed_. "No, this is Ushijima-kun!"

* * *

**OMAKE 2**

"Has anyone seen Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asked around, only to get head-shakes and negative responses from everyone. _Great. He's probably off having his ego stroked again. _Resigned, a vein popped in his head as he exited the gym to look for the team's wayward setter. "Shittykawa, where the hell—?" Iwaizumi screeched to a stop, mouth opening and closing when he saw the confrontation at the side of the building. "What the _fuck_?"

"Hey, Iwa-chan," Oikawa ground out without looking at him, glaring daggers at the _actual, godforsaken testosterone-filled farm animal with horns that could gut him at any given moment _in front of him. "No, no," the brown-haired boy said before Iwaizumi could even formulate a response. "Don't get involved. I feel like he's _taunting_ me."

"Oikawa, get away from the bull."

"I can hear his voice. He's saying _' you should have gone to Shiratorizawa' _and I _don't like it_."

Ushijima mooed.

"Did you hear what he said to me?!"

Iwaizumi took out his phone. "I'm calling animal control and the psych ward. I was wondering when the day you finally cracked would come. Also, please get away from the bull so you _don't fucking die_."

"Iwa-chan!"


End file.
